Shadowfeet

Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet, toward home, a land that I’ve never seen. I am changing; less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when I began. And I have sensed it all along; fast approaching is the day.

There’s distraction buzzing in my head, saying in the shadows it’s easier to stay. But I’ve heard rumours of true reality, whispers of a well-lit way.

When the world has fallen out from under me, I’ll be found in You, still standing. When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I’ll be found in You.

You make all things new.

When the world has fallen out from under me, I’ll be found in You, still standing. Every fear and accusation under my feet, when time and space are through…

I’ll be found in You.

No reservations.

I got back home today after spending a huge portion of the day at Monash, helping OCF Clayton with their evangelistic event.  As I washed up and stuff, something in me told me to just look at my devotional for the day before I sit back and retire for the day. And the first sentence jumped out at me:

“Are you willing to do anything God wants you to do, anywhere He wants you to do it, for whomever He wants you to do it?”

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Prayers can be dangerous. What I mean by dangerous, I mean, be careful for what you pray for, because God truly answers prayers. But maybe instead of the word dangerous, I should say “powerful”. Prayer is such a powerful tool.

We don’t pray enough. We can never pray enough.

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And as I read that question again, I thought:

How can I not, when I look at the Cross, at my Saviour and think about all He has done for me, knowing that such an amazing God cares and loves me so much more than anyone can ever offer?

The past few months have been a refining process that has seen many tears shed ever since I whispered to God with all my heart, “Take all of me.” This is only just the beginning. I can’t run nor hide anymore. Do not continue hearing and thinking while you do nothing. I’m excited for what’s ahead. But that excitement is pointless if I still do not move after all that is said and done.

Faith in Christ, whose strength is made perfect in our weakness, will give the power for all we are called to do.

The time is now.

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Lord of all the earth, how You care for me / You have made me, You will save and carry me always /

You are faithful / You are faithful / You are faithful
Your joy is my strength.

Lord, You are my guide, I rely on You / I put my hope in things not seen, Your promises all true.

Always You’re with me / Your hand will lead me / My trust is in Your name.

Another late night.

I’m staying over at Andrea’s place for the night. It is officially mid-sem break, but I have my 60% essay dued at 5pm later, and I am struggling to finish it off now. I have officially less than 12 hours before I run off to the Political Science office to hand in my essay, date/time-stamped, completed with assignment cover form and everything. Hence I am staying over at Andrea’s place, because it’s like five minutes away from uni, as opposed to rushing to uni from my place, which is half an hour away.

It is times like this that I wonder:

1. Why do I never learn from past experiences of procrastination,
2. That maybe I can only write essays under pressure and time constraint,
3. Why in the world am I taking Political Science as a major,
4. About anarchists and anarchism. I mean, seriously.
5. Where will this major bring me anyway???

I’m feeling extremely sien-ed. I have my essay outline, I finally have my major points organized; I just need to edit everything and put it together to create a coherent essay that will at least give me the marks I need.

(60% for a mid-sem essay is no joke – if I don’t do well, even my 40% end-of-sem exam won’t help me).

Sigh. Back to the essay.

Why

When I don’t understand why, I trust You because

… You care; You do care – more than I can possibly know.
… You can lift me up to soar above the storms in my life.
… You love me.
… Your silence can deepen my faith in You.
… even when my hopes are crushed, there is glory ahead.
… as Your daughter and child, I am always secure in Your will.
… You have far greater miracles in mind than I could ever imagine.
… You are intimately involved in every area of my life.
… You are always on time for Your purposes in my life.
… You understand my feelings.
… You are enough.

(adapted from Anne Graham Lotz’s Why)

To these promises I shall cling.

Ready, set…

This is going to be a crazy week, and I probably won’t have time to update until next week! My 60% politics essay is dued at the end of the week, and I’ll be burning the midnight oil like mad, having to squeeze in research, readings, and writing the essay on top of other stuff that I have going on.

*takes a deep breath*

And so, Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, everyone! Andrea, Yon and I bought $84 worth of mooncakes tonight after church. It was almost like a Christmas rush going to the oriental store to buy the mooncakes. o.o The verdict: Expensive and mediocre. I miss the good ol’ mooncakes we get back home – my favourite has always been the pandan lotus ones, and I love eating them cold. Sighhh.

A couple of obligatory pictures of our impromptu mini-mooncake “party” (at Andrea’s place, joined by Kings and Genia). It was more like an unconventional mooncake tasting-party as we tried out all the funny and quirky flavours of the mooncakes that they manufacture nowadays. Seriously, some of them really sounded dubious. Like there was this weird one with sago and don’t-know-what-else funny mixture. (We all stayed away from that one!) Mango, lychee were some of the fruit ones. And there was a strawberry with Rice Krispies one, which was just weirdddd. (Rice puffs in mooncake??)

It was an unanimous agreement by all that we still very much prefer our traditional and normal mooncakes that we grew up on. Thank goodness we bought a tin of conventional lotus paste with yolk ones.

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So the second brother is flying back to Manchester today for his second year of uni… My youngest two siblings just had their piano grade 8 exam a few days ago (my youngest brother sent me an SMS after, telling me how his teacher told him he did a better job out of the both – I assume both, as in he and the sister. I was quite amused by his message.)

Anyway.

It’s the final week before uni breaks for mid-semester hols. I can’t wait for the 10-day respite. Although the 10-day break also means that I’ll have to catch up on all my readings and studies (and NOT slack). I really need this break to practice, practice, practice, and memorize my pieces. This sem will really determine whether I can take that practical subject next year.

Till the next post!