Last night, I sent one of my boys home after extra class. I can’t remember exactly when things changed, but H now pays full attention in my classes and is engaged in lessons. He’s still pretty quiet compared to the rest of the boys, but it’s more than enough that he now answers my questions in class and does my work. So in the short drive home, I spoke to him about school and how things are for him, being in his particular classroom. We spoke about his English classes last year, and we eventually talked about his classmates.
I told him frankly, “Kawan-kawan kamu lah, yang duduk di belakang itu, semua tak dengar.” (Your friends who sit behind never pay attention to me.) I was referring to the bunch of apathetic boys who sat in the last couple of rows. A little background here: this particular class, 2G, is one of my notorious classes, and very, very difficult to control, but things have somehow gradually been improving in the past month. (Need to keep reminding myself, small steps, small steps!)
H’s instant reply caught me by surprise: “Ya lah, mereka tak fikir masa depan tu.“(Yes, because they are not thinking about their futures.)
I could have wept for joy, because H is thinking about his future, and that’s why he wants to learn, and I am so happy. I told him, “If only your friends all thought that way!”
One thing that I’ve noticed about this generation of kids, is that they are so, so playful, and still so immature in their thinking and behaviour. My 14- to 15-year-olds still act like they are in primary school, and I cannot tell you how many times I have lectured them to start behaving like young adults. What is it with this generation of teenagers, that they are not even thinking about their futures?
Some time back, I found out that one of my boys in 2I has ADD, and he is taking medication for it, but I always notice him intensely focusing during my lessons, and I am grateful and also sometimes surprised that he can sit so still in my classes. Even though he doesn’t understand much English, he still listens! When I check on him individually, he tries. I ask him to read for me, and he reads. At least he tries. Sometimes, that is more than enough.
I think that ever since I stepped into these shoes of being a teacher, you learn to really appreciate little moments like that.
Another anecdote before I go: one of my girls told me last night that she models, and even showed me a couple of her pictures. Yes, you read that right. And she said to me earnestly, “Cikgu, saya nak belajar cakap Bahasa Inggeris, kerana kalau photographer cakap dengan saya, saya malu nak cakap dan tak faham la.” (Teacher, I want to learn to speak English, because when photographers talk to me, I am too embarrassed to speak, and I don’t understand them.)
I’m all, whatever that motivates you to learn English, please, thank you very much! Well, I didn’t say that to her, of course, but I told her, “Good. So listen to me in class!”
One thing that I’ve noticed is that the students do understand me, but they lack confidence in speaking. And because they refuse to practice speaking the language, they just don’t improve at all. That’s the thing about language that I’ve been trying to get my students to understand—if you don’t practice it, you simply won’t improve. (Case in point: me. Hahaha. Since arriving in Malaysia, I think my Malay has improved exponentially. And probably my Chinese as well!)
Last Sunday night, in a conversation with my mom and my aunt, my mom said something that was very telling. She was reminiscing about her own secondary school days, and said to my aunt, “Remember, how we could understand English, but we were just too embarrassed to speak the language?”
And I think that is a sentiment that prevails even today.
I told that girl, and her friends, “I’m here with you for two years. If you don’t practice with me now, you won’t get the chance again. Don’t be shy, even if your friends laugh at you. Ignore them! Just speak, have confidence. I am here to help to correct your pronunciation and teach you new words.”
It’s funny, because you would think that being in an urban area, the level of English would be somewhat better than rural schools, but a lot of factors come back to the environments they are growing up in, and their family backgrounds. English, for many of my students, is truly a foreign language.
I really, really hope that like H, my students will find that motivation and spark to look ahead to the future, that they have it within themselves to get out of this vicious cycle of poverty—not a poverty of material wealth, but one of knowledge.
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